Why I left Instagram
It is the morning of NYE & I’m sitting on the floor in my room that I use to practice yoga / make jewelry and just zen the fuck out. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be fourty years old, addicted to Instagram. That is the honest truth. I think millions of us are addicted to it - how many will be willing to admit that, not sure.
I have realized over the last few years, and as social media has changed rapidly - I don’t want this anymore……. AND….. I can’t stop clicking into the app and scrolling. It is an even easier escape / hit of dopamine than smoking cigarettes was. I can access it all day everyday, anytime anywhere. That is fucking terrifying - basically carrying around a slot machine that I just keep pulling to see if I “win”. What will it be this time? A new like? Comment? Direct message? New follower? How is my reel doing? Am I getting views? Do people know I exist?
I am exhausted mentally and I can no longer hear my own thoughts. I have gone through cycles of these feelings for the last 3 years, and about every few months I want out. Sometimes I take a break, and come back. This is very different, and I know it’s going to be hard. I’m going to have to rediscover who the fuck I am. I’m ready.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I know it means I’m letting go of some things that I could only get via Instagram. I’m okay with that. My mental health comes first. I don’t have resolutions for the new year but I do have intentions. I will be stepping out of my comfort zone to initiate more hangs with friends - in person, actually connecting and building a relationship. Even if it’s only a few people, I want to experience meaningful conversations and friendships. I do not want a bunch of cheap hits of dopamine that come with every post / story / comment / etc. - that is exhausting.
I know that leaving social media is going against the norm, and I’m good with that, I choose me. Watch the Netflix documentary “the social dilemma” and get back to me on how you feel about instagram after that. That documentary infuriates me every time I watch it, and I am so so so grateful it was made and has been shared with us.
It is only going to get crazier as AI grows - it is already crazy, the amount of filters available is truly insane - especially the ones that alter your entire body. I am scared for younger kids being exposed to this shit, it was hard enough being bombarded with magazines & diet culture on tv when I was growing up. Now - it is a constant, and so much of the comparison going on is to things that are not real.
Look, this is just where I am at with this. I don’t see many people talk about it - but where would I have seen it if not on instagram? That in and of itself is a problem. Instagram cannot be a source of information for everything, question that!! When we plug in and zone out we are “numb and dumb” and therefore unable to be present and that takes away our power. Just consider thinking about it - for the sake of your mental health.
I have a history of addiction & know very well when I have become addicted to something - I see it now, fully addicted to Instagram. Maybe you’re able to separate from it, and that is beautiful. I do not have the self control, so for me - I have to delete the accounts. I’m glad I did.
See you IRL ✌️