Self Sabotage

I first started working on this website on May 28th - today is July 28th. I spent the last two months running away from myself. I am so thankful to have the awareness to recognize what I am choosing. Unfortunately that doesn’t make it any easier - knowing why ….. but what that does do is help me know where to start when I want to change.

Why? Why did I run? Well, as I worked on this website, I started to see everything I want right in front of me and it terrified me. When we moved to Kansas City, MO last year and I was in this place where I got everything I wanted, and I realized I still had to face myself.

“Wherever you go, there you are”

I had everything I wanted or needed and I was more insecure than ever before. OMG I have all the things and I am still not happy with myself. Fuck! Now what?! I have been on waves of growth for the last 15 months, and I have to remind myself this is what I asked for.

So I made progress on this website and started to see a new life for myself, one outside of Corporate (a dream of mine for years). There is still some part of me who thinks I don’t deserve it, or who would care what I have to say?! Sometimes the vulnerability in all of it is scary AF to think about.

What I know to be true is those thoughts are attached to limiting beliefs as well as the sorry ass stories I am telling myself. It is time to show up - for myself and for you, because I have been through some shit and I have learned so much along the way.

So - here I am!